Addiction is not only about substances. It is about the human attempt to soothe pain. Once we understand that, judgment becomes harder and empathy becomes easier.
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Addiction, at the very least, is frowned upon by our society. That is, depending on what a person is addicted to. Your coworker telling you that they are “addicted to coffee” doesn’t trigger the revulsion and/or pity you feel towards a drug addict. It could be the case that the coworker is addicted to coffee in a literal sense, i.e., can’t function without it. Yet, we don’t treat coffee addicts and drug addicts the same. So, the question is what differentiates them?
If we look closely, the answer is simple. We judge the addiction based on how much the object of addiction scares us. Coffee feels safe. Drugs do not. Scrolling on a phone feels normal. Gambling does not. We judge the addiction by the object, not the struggle. But the struggle is often the same. A craving. A dependency. A repeated escape from something painful inside.
Most of us live with a gap between our dreams and the life we actually have. We picture the version of ourselves who is confident, successful, and fulfilled. Then we wake up to bills, stress, disappointments, and routines that do not match the picture in our minds. This gap creates pressure. It makes us restless, frustrated, or numb. When this feeling grows, we look for relief. And relief often comes in the form of habits that we cling to a little too tightly.
Some people use work. Some use shopping. Some use their phones. Some use alcohol or porn. Others get hooked on fitness, perfectionism, or daydreams. The objects may differ, but the purpose is the same. They help us get through the day. They make reality easier to tolerate. They help us avoid the uncomfortable truth that our lives feel smaller than what we hoped for.
This is why the line between “normal habit” and “addiction” is not as clear as we pretend it is. When someone says they cannot fall asleep without checking their phone or cannot relax without a drink, the pattern is not so different from any other addiction: the person depends on something to feel okay. The only difference is how society labels the behavior.
Because we reserve our strongest judgment for the addictions we fear or do not relate to, we end up treating some people as if their pain is less valid. We forget that addiction rarely comes from pleasure. It usually comes from trying to cope with something too heavy to carry alone.
This is why compassion is necessary. Not moral superiority. Not disgust. Compassion. Anyone can reach a point where they rely on something outside themselves to feel stable. Anyone can get lost trying to close the gap between their dream life and their real one. No one is above this.
If we accepted that we all have our own versions of dependency, we might speak differently about people who struggle with the addictions we consider “serious.” We would understand that they are not weak. They are overwhelmed. They are coping. They are doing the same thing many of us do, just in a way that is more visible or more dangerous.
Addiction is not only about substances. It is about the human attempt to soothe pain. Once we understand that, judgment becomes harder and empathy becomes easier.
We may not all be addicted to drugs or cigarettes, but almost all of us cling to something to fill the gap between the life we dreamed of and the life we have. Accepting this truth does not excuse harmful behavior. It simply reminds us that compassion should not be selective. It belongs to everyone who is trying their best to cope with being human.
